on procrastination...

well its that time of year again, new years eve - the time of year for self improvement campaigns, unfeasible strategies for giving up, cutting back, making progress - general all round reflection and self evaluation...

it’s a funny time of year all in all; ordinary day to day business suspended and shrouded in a misty haze whilst the annual audit and account keeping cranks into gear, a universal totting up of the great balance sheet in the sky, when everything takes on a hazy ‘matter of life and death’ quality. newspapers are littered with reviews of the year, best and worst lists - tv programmes, films, books, music, whats hot and whats not and all kinds of tedious predictions for the year ahead. even for those of us not naturally self reflective, this universal peer pressure can prove overwhelming. one way or another, it seems to bring out the list maker in us all.

this year in particular with recession biting, high street chains falling by the wayside, doom and gloom forecast for the next twelve months, there is much talk of pulling in our belts, reappraising our lifestyles and failsafe resolutions for facing the future. for me this cosmic book keeping has coincided with a natural conclusion to certain projects and activities, a tying up of loose or untidy ends that cant help but raise the knotty problem of what next? for a natural procrastinator like me, a tortoise rather than a hare, this brings with it more than a touch of unease. i hate working out what to do next. in fact ive never really got round to it, never really planned my life, never really had a set of ambitions or goals to mark my progression against. ive never had one of those interviews where they apparently ask what you think you’ll be doing in 5 years time (that clearly in itself demonstrates my woeful inadequacy and lack of ambition…) which is just as well as i simply don’t know.

now don’t mistake this for an indication that im some kind of groovy free spirit, a devil may care, spur of the moment, don’t tie me down man i want to be free type…heaven forbid. i perversely pride myself on how uptight and repressed i am. no, im simply one of life’s dawdlers, a plodder, more stamina than inspiration. so it is with immense trepidation that i find myself facing the new year with a notebook and pen planning my next move.

my recent open house at apartment was in reality a sort of goodbye party for the end of a whole year in residency. i cant stay there forever clutching their apron strings like an overgrown baby, tempting as it is and welcoming though hilary and paul are. time to grow up and leave home….

goodbye 2008, ill miss you, you've been good to me. and ive only just got you sorted out, too! so, with fear and trembling, here's to another year. just what does a 147 year old spinster do with her future? watch this space as i sink or swim with my burden of half baked ideas and belated ambitions for 2009.

as for you dear reader, much love, peace, goodwill and best of luck whatever your dreams or flights of fancy might be for the coming year!

xx epn